Raise your hand if you enjoy confrontation.
If you are like most people, your hand is still down (not just because you feel silly raising your hand when you are reading something on your computer). The problem with holding this feeling is that avoiding confrontation will generally hurt relationships much more than facing someone you need to talk with in a constructive way.
At multiple times in my life, I have felt that I deal with confrontation well. A little bit of humility, some research, and work with a mentor who is a confrontation wizard taught me that I was missing a few pieces. I have tested some principles I read about and applying them changed several extremely important relationships in my life.
I have linked to my favorite articles below. Here are the points that resonated with me…tell me which you like…
- Get clear on what it is you really need to resolve. This is not about being right or winning, but you want to make sure that you get the understanding you need.
- Make your initial statement and stop talking. It can feel very awkward, but you have to say what is bothering you and wait for them to talk.
- Avoid arguing during the confrontation. Confrontation does not mean “fight”, you must keep emotions out of it.
- Don’t Assume They get it before you start. You have your paradigm, they have theirs.
- Stay Curious. If you care about what they think, it will show. This will help them to perceive your genuine intentions.
- Be direct. Do not beat around the bush, circuitous language will just confuse the issue.
- Accept that there might not be a “resolution”: You might just not see eye to eye. Being willing to accept that before you start will make that potential outcome one you can accept and allow you to keep your respect for one another intact.
Like with any skill, effective confrontation takes practice. Put in the time and reap the benefits.
http://www.judyringer.com/blog/how-to-confront-with-skill-and-confidence-7-tips-20111129
http://humanresources.about.com/od/conflictresolution/a/confrontation.htm
